i once had a boyfriend who slept with a hammer under his pillow. there were also a pair of surgical tongs he kept on the top of the toilet tank. i don't know what the tongs were for, but you weren't allowed to move them, or else. the hammer was kept under the pillow, so that it was handy for looting at the first alert of riots caused by obama's assassination.
when i was in seventh grade, police raided the house across the street from the middle school. neighbors had been complaining about "the smell". it was coming from the garage where a deep freezer had broken and was thawing. its contents were rotting. although, they had been before the woman living there had collected them. the freezer was completely filled with the bodies of road-killed cats. she was collecting them for a date-to-be-determined mass burial.
riding passenger on the way to school one morning with my mom, there was a radio story about a domestic violence incident at a local apartment complex where a man had broken up with his girlfriend. she insisted on a goodbye kiss, which turned into a goodbye french with some fondling, at which point she bit off his tongue. she chewed and swallowed it to make sure it couldn't be re-attached later. my mom insists that i'm making the story up, that the radio never broadcast it.
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